For generations we, and by we I mean those of us with any kind of interest in policy, democracy, or public discourse, have been told that civil discourse, or civility, are the hallmarks of democratic exchange. We aren’t really a democracy if we aren’t engaged in enlightened, rational debate that elevates the decision-making process so that we are not just thinking about what is best for ourselves, but what is best for everyone. It’s a very small ‘r’ republican idea of discourse.
And because there has been this emphasis on civility, something called “tone policing” has been a part of the discursive process for a long time. That means if your tone was inappropriate for the debate or the discussion, you’d get called out, or even ejected from the conversation. This all sounds very formal, but in reality this happened all the time in the public. There might be a public discussion on housing, and someone brought up the way housing affects single mothers, or the Latine population, and to be honest, that can be a pretty upsetting topic. So maybe people are passionate about these issues. But that very passion is a reason to dismiss them. They are too emotional or too angry to be taken seriously. You can guess these charges fall disproportionately on women and People of Color or the LGBTQIA+ population.
But the thing is, some things are worth getting angry about. You SHOULD be angry about racism. Rape culture SHOULD tick you off. Unfair labor practices ARE upsetting. And it’s the people who are unaffected by these things who expect us to not show any emotion about them.
Now…why do I bring this up now?
There are people out there right now who are telling you that your emotions about the election are not valid.
Or, even more frustrating, there are people out there telling you, yeah, it’s bad, but we have to think positively.
But maybe the worst are the people who are telling you that it doesn’t make any difference because you woke up to the same country that you went to sleep in.
The folks who are telling you that your emotions aren’t valid are frustrating and anger-inducing, but they are not surprising. They’ve been the opposition all along. These are the folks you need to just block out of your mind.
The people who are telling you that your emotions are not valid are, to put it quite frankly, probably not very good people. They are the ones who put you in this situation to begin with. They facilitated this disaster. They insisted on the color of skin over the content of character. They may not be rapists themselves; but that was not a disqualifying characteristic for them. They have no problem putting a felon in the highest office in the land but ask them if they would hire or work with somebody who had done time.
My favorite retort from this group is that they didn’t vote for character, they voted for policy. Okay, putting aside the whole rapist/racist/corruption/bigot thing that will PROBABLY affect policy, ask them to pin down WHICH policies they are voting for?
Trump basically ran on immigration and the economy. And for immigration his whole plan seems to be mass deportation.
Do you have any idea how monumentally stupid that is? Do you think groceries are expensive now? If we deport 11 million immigrants, grocery prices will not only sky-rocket, there will most likely be a shortage. This is racism, pure and simple. Because as far as policy goes it is short-sighted, impossible to enforce and carry out, and terrible for consumers and the economy. And I’d say you do you, but this is going to seriously affect my budget, so I’m pretty pissed off about the whole thing.
As for the economy, his plan seems to be tax cuts and tariffs. And every economist in the world has looked at his plan and said, dude, this is REAL bad. But you don’t have to have a degree in economics to know that. Because the tax cuts will go to the top. Which means less money for all of us and a lot for debt for the US. And we aren’t replenishing our stores with anything. Project 2025 would address that by cutting things like Medicare and Social Security, but please TELL ME about how great his policies are. And if you took high school economics you know that tariffs cause inflation. And the whole POINT of his campaign is that inflation is too high, and he wants to do something about it.
Here’s the thing – I will be the FIRST person to say that inflation has been KILLER the last 2-3 years. I have spent WAY too much on rent and groceries. And I don’t get paid all that much. But I also know how to think broadly. The truth is, as much as it PAINS me to admit it, America has had the healthiest economy in the world in the last few years. Now, that may be as much a comment on the global economy as much as anything else, but we have been leaps and bounds ahead of everyone. We’ve had the same supply chain issues and inflation issues as everyone else, but people have been able to find jobs, though the wages are low, and while interest rates have gone up, they aren’t historically high. In fact, right now, interest rates are sitting right at “average.” And these two things, inflation and interest rates, seem to be the markers of the economy that everyone is mad about. These are the things that people wanted to oust one party for and put in another. And that is RIDICULOUS. Our economic problems are the lasting effects of a worldwide downturn from COVID, and we are recovering better than anyone. But Americans aren’t good at thinking broadly. Americans can only see that their pork chops cost more now than they did a few years ago, and they have been trained by the media to blame that on a singular person. So they voted in somebody who will be PROFOUNDLY worse for the economy and our pocketbooks, and he has been open about that, because we’re grumpy and racist.
There are also the people who are out there telling you to think positively, it’s all going to be okay, you just need to let the sun shine in!
These are the “thoughts and prayers” people. They have nothing to add but toxic positivity. Okay, I am admittedly paraphrasing from Wikipedia here, but I wanted a succinct definition of this: Toxic positivity is a way to dysfunctionally manage your emotions without ever fully acknowledging negative emotions. Socially, it is the act of dismissing another person’s negative emotions by suggesting a positive emotion instead. It is a “pressure to stay upbeat no matter how dire one’s circumstance is”, which may prevent emotional coping by feeling otherwise natural emotions.[2] So in other words, Toxic positivity happens when people believe that negative thoughts about anything should be avoided. Even in response to events which normally would evoke sadness, such as loss or hardships, positivity is encouraged as a means to cope, but tends to overlook and dismiss true expression.[3]
So toxic positivity insists you stay happy when things really suck, when what you need to do, is feel just how rough things are.
And I’m here to tell you – this is as bad as you think it is. It is okay to be upset. It is okay to feel angry, mad, or frustrated. It is okay to be confused or even heart-broken.
And for those people who say, it’s just politics, don’t take it that seriously – bite me. It must be nice to live in a beautiful bubble of protection where controversy doesn’t affect you. All of these question about voting rights, health care, trans and gay rights, immigration, and housing – if none of that affects you personally, do you have any idea what a small portion of the population you are? If you are so privileged that none of this bothers you, then just stay out of it and let the adults talk, okay? Your insights are not needed.
And for those telling us it makes no difference and we woke up in the same country – that is some both-sides-ism bullshit and I am tired of it.
Now, look – I get that from a global perspective the two major US parties look very similar. From the outside it looks like we have two very conservate parties and no left wing. And it has become very trendy for leftists in the US to adopt that attitude.
Okay. Cool. I get it. Democrats are not liberal. I’m not arguing that. They are imperial, warmongering, and racist. No arguments here.
But for those of us with skin in the game – THE TWO PARTIES ARE NOT THE SAME.
This is not two conservative parties – this is a fascist party and a conservative party. This is the difference between a party that wants regressive policies that will bankrupt the economy, oppress the working class in ways that we haven’t seen since the Industrial Revolution, dehumanize anyone who isn’t a straight white male, and pretty much dismantle democracy in favor of a patriarchal theocracy. The other is a conservative party that makes me chafe under their economic policies and is way too militant.
Those are just not the same.
And once again, the people who are telling you, Oh, it makes no difference – what rock do you live under? How are you so unaffected by law and policy that you honestly believe a trans person’s life would be the same under Trump as it would be under Harris? Is this a matter of privilege? Wilfull ignorance?
I’m as far left as anyone else, but this is a purity test I consistently fail. I know my leftist friends (and they are usually white and male) who like to lump everyone into one category are consistently disappointed with me that I don’t diss the Democrats as much as I diss the Republicans, but the truth is, when it comes to my rights and the rights of people I love, the Democrats are just a better choice. Do I wish there were a socialist party I could vote in? 100% But there’s not. So until then I will deal with the fact that one party is simply more protective of the people I love than the others. And if that is mystifying to you, then you are a problem for my family.
So all of this is to say – it’s okay for you to be angry.
If you are an American, your country just chose rape, bigotry, corruption, ignorance, deception, tyranny, and oppression as their political framework for the next four years.
There is nothing about the Republican platform that is in ANYONE’s interest unless you are very wealthy. Trump and his ilk have convinced just about half of America to vote against their own interests, and they did it with racism, willful ignorance, misinformation, lies, and misogyny. And we’re supposed to just take that in stride?
No.
These weren’t just differences in policy. The bad guys won. The Madison Square Garden event was pretty much a Nazi rally. And that is what was voted in. We, as a nation, just said, yeah, he’s a Nazi and all of his supporters are, but I don’t like that I’m paying $0.75 more for milk right now. That’s just, who we are, as a people. And everybody knows it now.
So anybody who tells you to calm down or watch your tone – they are not your friend. They do not understand the stakes. Or they are okay with what is coming. And neither of these are acceptable.
Finally, there are those who are concerned with propriety. I find this sudden focus on civility amusing because, you know, Trump, but sure, I’ll address that as if it were even a remotely serious argument.
Frederick Douglass is one of the most amazing historical figures of the 19th century. His legacy and the work he did is the stuff of legend.
When he gave his “What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?” speech he addressed this idea of “civil discourse,” even if he didn’t use those words. Because Douglass understood something essential about democratic dialogue – if only one party is arguing in good faith, then the whole thing is a wash.
Douglass knew that rational argument only goes so far. If you have presented, over and over again, your sound and thorough arguments, and the opposition is just refusing to listen and responding with ignorance and bigotry, then what are you supposed to do? Sometimes you just can’t out-argue hate.
Douglass said, “The time for such argument is passed. At a time like this, scorching irony, not convincing argument, is needed. O! had I the ability, and could reach the nation’s ear, I would, to-day, pour out a fiery stream of biting ridicule, blasting reproach, withering sarcasm, and stern rebuke.”
This is Frederick Douglass – one of the greatest orators of his time. Friend of Susan B. Anthony and leader of the abolition movement. And he says, sometimes, you just gotta get salty.
Am I saying you should yell at anyone in a red hat? No, that’s a good way to get hurt.
But I am saying there’s no reason for you to take this lying down. It’s okay for you to be angry. It’s okay for you to be upset. It’s okay for you to be frustrated. And it’s okay for you to be open about those things. If people get mad because you are holding them accountable for their actions, that is THEIR problem, not yours.
Your anger is justified. It’s not wrong to be angry at things that are MORALLY WRONG.
The question is, what do we do with this anger?
For now, it’s important to feel it and work through it. The problem with people who are CONSTANTLY positive is that they don’t process their emotions. We have to do that.
And I don’t think that means we have to stop feeling those things. We just have to find a way to make them productive. What are we going to do with this anger? How are we going to make it work for us, in the world? How do behave as righteously angry people to make the world a more just place?
I don’t know what’s coming. Best case scenario, things go absolutely terrible for the next four years, and there is a big backlash after that and Americans sweep in a few years of great progressives. Worst case scenario, America’s institutions fail and democracy crumbles and/or we enter into a stage of political upheaval and violence. Optimists are thinking it will be the first – I hate to tell you what experts are thinking. And given that, it can seem very dangerous to give in to your anger. The last thing we want is for anger to explode all over the political scene and to cause harm to people.
But that’s the difference between productive anger and harmful anger. Harmful anger hurts people. Productive anger moves people.
Some of you may say, but Elizabeth, you’re a Christian, how can you advocate for this kind of thing?
I will remind you that Jesus got angry. He got so angry that he took the time to make his own whip to drive out people from the temple and knock over tables along the way. That was pre-meditated. It was intense. Jesus took action. He was righteously indignant. I don’t think he would begrudge me the same thing.
The truth is, your country has failed you. And it’s okay for you to be heartbroken about that. And it’s okay to be furious and shattered that your friends and family betrayed you by voting against your very life all the while telling you they cared for you. Those things don’t seem congruous. And I don’t know how to tell you how to handle that. I’m struggling with it, too.
But know that your anger is not wrong. If anything, it is the right response to a terrible situation. Your heartbreak is warranted. And nobody, I mean nobody, has the right to tell you that now is the time to be quiet, be thankful, or play nice.
Go ahead. Flip some tables.
Music in this episode is “Fearless First” by Kevin MacLeod at https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3742-fearless-first.
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